No, she hadn’t brought her own pen. “Why would I bring my own pen to fill out a police report?” she asked.
“Technically this isn’t a police report,” the officer corrected. “If this was a missing bike, I could fill out a report. But since this is a …”
“—a missing unicycle,” Tracey filled in.
“Yes, exactly. Since it’s not a bicycle it’s categorized differently.” She sighed. The officer gritted his teeth. “I have to ask, and only because it’s standard procedure, but do you know of anyone with a reason to steal your, um …”
“Steal my unicycle?” Why can’t he say the word? Unicycle isn’t a 4-letter word. She had no idea who stole it. Tracey didn’t really know anyone in this city except Miles. And he was probably still sleeping off the previous night. This city was the eighth (and now, likely the last) stop on the world tour of The Ones! Miles was a one-man band, and she rode around on one-wheel. Together they took turns telling one-liners. A verifiable throwback act, they played any venue that would take them: comedy clubs, fundraisers, birthday parties, street corners. Once Edward (Miles’ cousin and their manager) booked them for a dinner cruise, but ocean swells proved too much for the unicycle.
So far they’d traveled each city through CouchSurfing, a website where they coordinated free stays on the couches and futons of fellow artists and friendly strangers. For this city, they crashed on blow-up mattresses in the living room of a Tim and Paul —better known as the folk duo Cloud and Leopard. For her own safety, Tracey wouldn’t stay with strangers unless she traveled with Miles. He was over six-foot and could be imposing if needed. Her most menacing feature was a neck tattoo usually covered by a scarf.
Last night after getting booed offstage, they met up with Cloud and Leopard at a local bar. Paul and Miles went shot-for-shot. Miles declared his love for Tracey, kissed her neck tattoo, and then kissed Tim’s girlfriend. Tracey stormed out. Drunk or sober, she didn’t feel that way about Miles.
This morning Tracey got up first. She cycled downtown, and locked her bike outside of a diner. Exiting she found only the wheel chained to bike lock.
After filing the Miscellaneous Missing Objects Report with the officer, Tracey went outside and texted Miles the bad news. He texted back immediately. He was soooooo sorry about last night, he hoped he hadn’t ruined The Ones, and promised to buy her a new unicycle that day.
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